Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved by You? - Tapa blanda

This study for couples is process-oriented rather than solution-oriented, and aims to help the partners become more aware of self-created obstacles to joy and aware of the process by which they can be removed. It aims to help them understand and overcome the powerful hidden motives that keep the mind fixed on certain behaviour. The term the authors use for these motives is "intent", that is the purpose or the unspoken motivation behind what we do. It is always expressed by our behaviour and reacted to by our partner, though usually invisible to both. The authors' therapy concentrates on understanding and respecting the one intent that dominates our lives and creates almost all the difficulties in our relationships - the intent to protect ourselves against any pain, especially disapproval and rejection. They aim to help us understand and take responsibility for our fears and the resulting need to protect ourselves. They encourage positive changes which attempt to stop negative judgement of ourselves and help us understand our part in problems, so that we feel more secure and can enjoy freer and more intimate relationships. The authors are psychologists and marriage counsellors. They have also written "Free to Love" (1975).